I will honestly say that I am not big on the dating scene and I may not be the person to listen to in regard to dating advice. However some things are just pure and simple common sense. Which, mind you people seem to abandon when it comes to dating or selecting a life mate.


I will start by saying that, in addition to not being big on the dating scene, I am not a believer in marriage for myself. NOT because I lack the ability to commit, because I have a huge capacity to commit, but because I have a problem with society defining what they believe my relationship should or should not be.  Instead of what society dictates in the form of marriage, I believe in commitment with a life partner.  So now that I’ve thrown my disclaimer out there, you can chose to read further or run for your lives. J


With disclaimers out of the way I first believe that before you START to look for a life-mate you should work on yourself. Get to know who you are, what you want out of life, what you want from a relationship and what you have to offer in return.  People spend more time picking out the bells and whistles that they want in their next car than they do in selecting the person they’d like to date or select life-mate. People know exactly what they want in their car but tend to be very unrealistic or unsure when it comes to choosing qualities in the person the select to spend time with.

I hear so many people (men and women) talking about what they MUST have when it comes to a mate, yet they do not have an equivalent offering. This is one of the reasons that I suggest spending time out of the dating scene sometimes as it allows you to get in touch with yourself, work on who you are as a person and allows you to decide what you really need in a partner.


If you haven’t spent anytime getting to know who you are how can you know WHAT you want. You don’t even know YOURSELF, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what you require to make you happy and more. This sets you up for placing unrealistic expectations on another person to make YOU happy, not to make YOU sad and more.  Get in touch with who you are, finding out what you want from life; learn to be happy with your life as it is NOW.  This minimizes the expectation of others for your happiness


People that are out of touch with what they really need to be happy tend to have a huge list of requirements when searching for a person to date; I’ve heard some of the following:


  • Must make a 100,000 per year, yet you make 25,000.
  • Must drive a Lexus, yet you are rockin’ the bus pass.
  • Must wear designer clothing, yet you don’t.
  • Must have a house in the burbs, and you don’t.
  • Must have a six-pack, yet you don’t.


If we want to attract people based on a long list of requirements, we must first have the things that we want in another.  We must first BE whom we want to date.


  • If you want a mate that makes $100,000 per year, believe that a person making that kind of money may just want someone who is also making that kind of money.  So if you want that, you must BE that!
  • The person driving a Lexus may just want someone who is also driving an equivalent vehicle.  Again, if you want that you must BE that!


I am not saying that you should lower your standards only that you should be realistic and that you’re expectations should be on par with YOUR offerings.  Also, most importantly we need to focus on things that have much importance than these materialistic things.  There needs to be a fundamental shift away from THINGS and toward the person. WHAT kind of person do you desire, is that person a good person, do they have compassion and love in their heart, and more.


Ultimately you must BE Who YOU WANT to DATE!


© 2013, Anise Smith. All rights reserved. Copy, and reblogging (reposting) this blog or the use of blog post images are NOT permitted without direct permission of The Blackness