As single black women we know the challenges of juggling life, work, single motherhood, continuing education and dating. It can be tough because there are so many challenges in our community. Some of us have children and are not being supported by the fathers of those children; we are sometimes dealing with work challenges, income challenges and all of the various struggles that come with being a woman trying to do it all singlehandedly.
Dating in the black community is really a particular challenged. Some just have said the heck with it, I must admit to being one that has said to heck with it. I just don’t have time for the additional drama in my life. As a woman living in the city, I find this particularly challenging because I don’t like the hip slickness of men from Philly. I have not dated a man from Philly in over 20 years. I really am partial to southern gentlemen.
One of the biggest challenges within our community is the lack of example of a good man. This is due to the cycle of single women raising children by themselves for generation after generation. I am not going to go into that issue now as it opens up a whole new can of worms and that is not the purpose of this post. The purpose of this post is to look at he results that this broken family structure is having on our black women.
Someone mentioned that The Obama’s are the black communities John F Kennedy and that really struck a cord with me, especially since it was a white person that made that statement. The statement made me view the importance of the Obama’s in my life and the lives of every black person in this country that is IF they are paying attention. The Obama’s in the White House really is much more than President Obama being the first black president, although that in itself is amazing but it’s more about what Barack Obama SHOULD represent to the single, black female population. This is hope and something to reference and mentally visualize when we think of a partner. I’m not saying that we should hold out to someone exactly like The President only that NOW if we have no other reference point of decent black men, we do now.
Although the so called thugged out men are what those that are thugs would have us think that we want, it really shouldn’t be want we want. If a many if violent and thugged out with his friends, he will be violent and thugged out toward you. Ultimately, if he is mean, angry and thugged out in general his behavior WILL eventually be directed toward you. Not so glamorous now huh?
If you have a man that is thugged out, how is this in anyway going to improve your life? On the other hand if you direct your attention to a man that has substance, values, is sensitive and has family values this is the man that is more likely to direct those behaviors toward you.
Don’t you think it’s time for women to get past their fascination with the idea of having a man that is thugged out and go with a man that has substance? As we move toward 2013 I think it’s time for women to step their game up and raise their expectations of in the areas of selecting a partner. Just throwing it out there.
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